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My enthusiasm and my exhaustion. So a triumph on Wednesday November 18th. A reclamation of  my body. I want to caulk the gap between. And beso to Elrica Saw for her gift. Ones destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things. It is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living. From end of chemo to now a different sort of Flush; A visit from Shamim and Hanan. Mongolian fur feels gooood on hairless brown scalp.

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And I tried to get to the gala, in the way I knew best. A nada fashion show. Instead of disappointment, another barrier melts. In the seventh floor atrium, padded by optimism and the shine in Dr Reeces eyes, I feel: hope has a scent. A meal at Dans Fish Fry and I fell alseep watching My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV with images of squealing teenagers in my head. I woke the next morning with deep bone ache, fever and gummy eyes. Thanks for your patience fellow Yellow diarists. A dream of zygotes. Im a porteno, a traveller arrived, and Im not protecting myself from the frontier mentality. Something stirred and lifted. So I drove back to Toronto only stopping once at the border to buy a Mongolian Warrior Vest. A Remission Rock from Bobcat. Every time I sat down to write, I slipped. I want you to know you are part of the Lion Tamers circle of Yellow. Shane-Saunderson-in-a-suit ( m/ ) tried to slip away when he was lauded by David Bloom. At a deep discount. Cuffed to each other like sexleksaker bondage tight pussy greasy inmates. I got up and danced after Bobcat shaved. Imagine all the cash I'm gonna save: John Freida eat your heart out. A revival of my brain. My stem cell procedure begins on Monday. The ultimate lion tamer. Im transformed by sensation. I put on my Mongolian Vest and gathered with fellow lion tamers. Im gonna save a ton of cash. A pause in treatment. My fingers could not curl. Theres a direct link from your generosity to Multiple Myeloma Club Members. Get in touch with to find out how to help one of the hundreds of patients in Canada desperately looking for a donor match.

My experience of living is shifting so quickly I need props. It had been raining dramatically the entire day. I had this dream where you told me you wanted to be a lion tamer, Rachael wrote recently. Might help with the the drug bills. I had just finished chemo a few days before. A visit with my eggs. But I can make leaves. Molly Bloom thoughtfully gifts Dr Donna Reece, a gorgeous painting which suspiciously resembles mine and Bobcat's potential zygote. A waving field of yellow cells to harvest. Thanks David and Molly for the possibility.

T-cell levels correlate with that amused feeling! Tango style 34 in champagne blush a tad too flirty pour moi, perhaps? Gracias to everyone throwing themselves against this new frontier. As David  puts it: keeping us alive, from bench to bedside. Witness then, my exaltation. Its been a month since the MM5Kwalk. My intimacy with myself expands. A lot of fleshy leaves which grow and grow.

So, thanks to Bobcat and his professional clippers, no more barriers to suffer. And I will meditate on my breath every morning. Bobcat buzzed my head on Friday. From here on in its wordspill. Cancer sprees should be tax-free. Practise of a new way of life. You can only smell it now its washed way. Oil of oregano and travel to new old world Buenos Aires to prepare metaphysically for the next chapter of treatment, thanks. National Stem Cell Awareness week just ended on the 21st. An interview with Anne Michaels.

Im a little scared. I can transcend now. Ill be closing on it fast. Team Myeloma, raised over 23,000 for the Bloom Chair, and the Yellow gauge still rises. I love the idea of incorporating ritual into this stem cell purfication every morning. This research chair at Princess Margaret is buying us MM club members time. If not immediately, then its bound to happen one day in the shower. To live well and with precision. Which is why I became an actress, of course. Even on my tumblestack days.

And on Wednesday, the inauguration of the David and Molly Bloom research Chair for MM at PMH. Its a free 2 hour cosmetic and hair workshop for women with cancer. You and I and Henry Miller concur. This calls for a poll- with fellow MM club members, not just oncologists. Eenam and rosy salmon to the grill. The split in myself slowly seals. Now that chemo fog has lifted Ive been trying to eat well and incorporate ayurvedic principles back into my lifestyle. So I donned a disciples robe and surrendered my hair. I recall purple bloom of jacaranda trees in Buenos Aires.

Me, I love people who avoid attention. I did an uplifting workshop at PMH called Look Good, Feel Better ( ). Charlie Bravo: cumulonimbus clouds on the horizon. Yellow reminds me of turmeric. Ya know what I mean, like the H1N1 shot.

So I grew my heart, and shrank my judgement. Evening before my stem cell harvest, I open The Winter Vault. A trip to Connecticut to attend the mmrf Gala aborted two hours away from my destination. I feel like Nadamas favourite plant, I cannot make flowers yet. I may have to be on medication for the rest of my life. One paw in front of the other. Living differently already, my mind struggled to register what my body knew. Sol Vichez and Ambassador Viswanathan. Got me a whip and chair.

I stopped driving in a small town in upstate. Got me an MM beast to dance with and tickle-tame. The mood was buoyant Yellow. I like the feeling of movement on my scalp. The sweet throb that goes on and. No two facts are too far apart to be put together Anne Michaels writes.

Side by side on a bench. And I thought of Frida Kahlo. I have to start where. And thanks Shuvo for the hint: if you read or hear or watch things that make you laugh while getting G-CSF prior to harvest, your CD34 count ought to rise faster. This Cancer membership comes with some heavy terms and conditions.

Keep you close during my practise. So some pulpy experiences. My seat was slippery. One month to the day of the MM5KWalk. There are options that only another patient can illuminate. Thanks  to Myeloma Canada for coordinating and motivating the MM5KWalk. Of drawing liner over my eyes and dabbing outrageous gloss in the middle of my bottom lip. She sent me Anti cancer: A NEW WAY OF life by David Servan-Schreiber.

Certainly travel is more than the seeing of sights. The harvesting of my cells starts with an intermediate dose of chemo. And no more volumising shampoo. Its the smell of the rogue cells as they are washed away. From the inside out. Cant do that Rach.

Another eye infection as payment.

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